Anyway, am here after such the long sabatical cos something popped into my head today and it well sorta made me think and the realization made me not too happy, no the right word is SAD!!! & as much as i might want to blame it on someone else, guess what? it don't help or change the fact that i was asleep with eyes wide open.. now how's that possible? well if you dont know how, then it means you are also sleeping with eyes wide open cos the truth is blind to you auch, not trying to diss but know the realization of the truth is and should be painful in most instances particuarly if you are one of those that have been living in denial for so long a time.
Ok, ok enough of all the talks i know and straight to the point, well i told myself the truth today and it's to do with the fact that for so long, "I" like many of you out there, have been allowing life and people control my decisions thus been tossed around, YES!! How you might say, after all, i do something i thoroughly enjoyed doing, (broadcasting some might say is something a lot of people want to do, well for me that status has changed but will update you on that some other day) and yes you might say i am living the dream of so many other people out there which only confirms my point, the dreams of many people out there but is that really my dream? The question here should then be, "what is my dream?" and that brings me to the point i realized this morning, there's no time like early morning to sit down and think, you know when your head is still deviod of the worries and issues of the day. So i got thinking, "when i was just a boy, my parents in all their love ( not being synical or anything cos they did love all of their children without a doubt) never really sat me down to ask me what i will like to be when i grow up. I never really asked myself what i want to be when i grow up, asides the occassional jokes with friends and the response was usually "i want to be successful just like my dad" but no specifics. Now we all know that success can be measured by so many different yard sticks particuarly from a child's point of view. So thinking back i realized today that i never really had any firm or real motivation to be that one thing i wanted to be when i grew up. I people say things like "but school should have put that in me? Well my response is "the schooling truly starts from the home cos it is what your children see at home that shapes them into being that which they portray on the outside.
So life for me became like one big conquest (what i always told myself, laff) and i could just go through whatever came my way and when i got bored i could move on without a real fight, you know? no zeal. If i tried something and it didn't quite work out, i could always move on to something else and try that if that that don't work also .... well i bet you can figure that out and has led to where I am at today.... yea some might say doing well, but i ask again, "what is the yard stick for measuring success?" is this the success i want or is this the perception of success to someone else? I have heard so many say things like, "you better be thankful for what you have b'cos someone else will give anything to have it" well, i say true and i am thankful, so thankful for all i have been blessed with but then, I know i was not put on earth to be someone else's perception of success but to live a fulfilled life. So guess what? That starts today b'cos the first step to solving a problem any problem is realizing the problem, then the rest follows....
What's the morale? well some of us will hope to be good parents one day, to be that, and i don't believe being that is always about being guardians. To be a good parent means to sometimes have to do things and take decisions that will make your child(ren) think you are wicked or bad but guess what? so long as it is geared towards helping them shape thier future? Then you will make a wonderful parent in my book.
Having said, that, David come on over with Debra and you kids come tell Daddy what you want to be when you grow up.... or i just realized, they are not here yet, still with God getting prepped.. wink wink....
